We arrived at hospital shortly after 10am. We wanted photo memories so dressed her in different outfits and took some photos. We then bathed her, let her experience her first bath since arriving at jessops. she didn't seem bothered in the slightest so we do think she liked it. 

After her bath we massaged her in baby lotion and made her smell beautiful, then put on her special outfit, and wrapped her in a "forever in our hearts" white blanket.

She was then laid on baby changing unit, and they suctioned the secretions, then removed her breathing tube to which I then quickly grabbed her. I was so sure of wanting her to die in my arms, but no sooner had I sat down with her, I saw the colour disappear from her face, tears streaming down both eyes (she was not able to self lubricate her eyes, so being able to shed tears, we know was for what was happening.

I just couldn't hold my baby and watch her so clearly, while she took her last breathe, I had to pass her to her Daddy. He was thrilled to be able too hold her, but no sooner that he saw what I saw, and it only got worse, he also broke down.

I couldn't help but think, who on earth decided that it is a good idea for parents to hold their baby and watch them die in their final hours. See them take that last breath, and not breathe any more.

We would not wish this on anyone, the pain during this final minutes, and the pain and suffering left to us afterwards, is far too deep, and unreal.

Shortly after she passed, I reached out for her for a cuddle, and thought I would be ok, because we both had the comfort of knowing she died pain free, she was not struggling, but in reality as soon as I grabbed her and had her cuddled in my arms, I just could not control the pain I had. My heart felt like it was physically ripped from my chest and I am pretty sure that Keiras dad felt the exact same.Yes she passed pain free, yes she passed peacefully, BUT we are the ones that saw how awful it was to see our baby die, right in front of our eyes.

We both love you Keira Mae, with every beat of our hearts. And Mammy is so so terribly and deeply sorry that she could not protect you

KEIRA-MAE JONES 14.05.2020 2.03am TIL 14.09.2020 14.48pm

Wait for us baby girl, we can't wait to be able to reach out and hug you so tightly and never have to let go